Please Wipe Your Feet: Confessions of a Doormat

I have a problem.  I am a doormat.

 It’s not that I don’t have a mind of my own.  Believe me, I am fully capable of thinking for myself and making decisions.  I usually make good decisions, although I have my share of lapses of judgment where there is no explanation for the stupidity of my own actions.  But I guess that’s the only way you learn, right?

My problem is not that I let others tell me what to think.  My problem is that I an almost incapable of saying no in social circumstances.

This is a real, legitimate problem.  It effects my relationships with people.  I never ask them to do things for me, but they always are asking me because I am dependable and I almost NEVER turn them down.  People call me all the time asking for my time and my money, and most of the time, I give it to them.  It has caused me to be irritated, frustrated, and broke.  Sometimes, I really wish I could just say no!  And I wish that I didn’t feel guilty for doing so.

I have always been taught that, because I am a Christian, I should put others first.  I should sacrifice myself and the things that are going on in my life to help and serve others when I can.  I really do believe that helping others is important.  It is a principle that Jesus taught us about by example.  He cared for others.  He was never too busy to stop and help someone in need.  

But at the same time, Jesus doesn't want Christians to be doormats.  He never let people take advantage of Him, and He doesn't want us to do that either.

You want proof?  Check out the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42: 

Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.  And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.  But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.  And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:  But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Martha was a lot like me.  She wanted to help people.  And she was doing her best to do that.  She enjoyed doing that.  (I know it doesn't say that in the text, but from other stories about Martha in the Bible, I am pretty sure she was the original Martha Stewart.  She loved to throw a party.  And she was good at it.)  But Martha had a problem.  She didn't know when to stop.

I can absolutely identify with Martha.  I know how it feels to be the busy one.  I know how it feels to see a friend enjoying a moment and to feel jealous because I can't just sit down and enjoy myself.  And for people like Martha and myself, it is easy to put the blame on that friend (Mary).  We see her, just sitting there, and we think that she should be up doing something.  She should be helping.  After all, there is plenty to do, right?

But instead of scolding Mary, Jesus scolded Martha.  He doesn't want us to get so busy helping other people that we don't take time to appreciate the blessings He is trying to give to us.  If we always neglect ourselves, we can't really do any good when we try to help others because after a little while, our attitudes and good moods will wear thin.  We will get overworked and cranky.  And then we turn into bitter women who bark orders at other people and seem uptight and mean (NOT the image we need to portray as Christian women).

It is really all about finding a balance in our daily lives.  We need to help people, but we can't allow people to take advantage of us.  We need to sacrifice our wants sometimes, but we also have to take time to take care of ourselves (Jesus taught us this when He took the time to go pray by Himself - even HE needed alone time with God!).  Each of us needs to be part Mary and part Martha (which is hard).

We don't need to be doormats, but we do need to own a welcome mat, if that makes any sense.

We need to be willing to help others, but we can't let them walk all over us.  That's a hard balance to find.  So, how does one do that?  I still have no idea.  But I am trying to figure it out.

Step one?  Learning to say no.  We'll see how that goes...