No More Waiting

I just read a great blog post here. I have thought plenty about waiting. I have even written a couple posts about it myself (see Called to Wait). Lately, I have really started to wonder what exactly it is that I am waiting for. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a husband and a family of my own. I have always been what others considered "smart" - I always made good grades in school and I am sure that people expected me to have big plans and dreams of a great and successful career, but I never wanted that. All I really wanted was to get married and have kids. Being a stay-at-home mom sounded (and still sounds) like Heaven on earth to me, and that was what I wanted to do.

But there is a problem with that ambition. It depends on a man deciding to ask me to marry him.

Like the article I linked above mentions, I have been taught that I should wait for that man. I don't wear a ring on my left hand because I am waiting for a diamond. I have learned how to be a good wife. I have prayed for that man and hoped for him to come into my life for years. People keep telling me that God will send the right guy at the right time, which is really easy for a girl who got married at 18 to say. I am not doubting that God can give me a husband, but I have to be realistic. I have no reason to expect that He will. A spouse is not something that God promised to everyone, and if you look at the numbers, there is no way that every girl in the world has a guy out there who is made just for her. (There are almost twice as many women in the world than men, and then there are guys who are gay or who just don't want to settle down, so there are going to be some forever single ladies out there. That is just a fact.) So, in reality, I have spent the first 26 years of my life waiting for something that might never happen. And that is a pretty miserable way to live.

I used to believe that girls were called to wait (I must have, I wrote about it), but now I'm not so sure that God wants us to do that. Of course, we are supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. That is definitely God's plan and design, but we aren't supposed to be waiting to LIVE. I say we because I am totally guilty of this. I keep putting things off, thinking, "I want to do that with my husband someday," or "If only I was married, I could do this," or "If I had a boyfriend, I would..." I am limiting myself because I am single, and that is not what God wanted from His children.

Think of all the things that I could do for God if I stopped waiting and started living! I don't have to have a husband to work for God. I don't need a husband to be involved in ministry. I don't need a husband to teach children about God. I don't need a husband to help the less fortunate or to make a difference. I don't need a husband.

Wow. Let that thought sink in for a second.

I don't need a husband.

I have always thought that I needed one. I have always thought that, for me to be happy and live the life that God designed for me, I needed a man by my side. But I don't.

It has always been hard to me to figure out what exactly a single woman is supposed to do. God created women to be the help meet for men, to love and support their husbands. So what is a woman without a husband supposed to do? I asked my pastor this one time and he told me to read the book of Ruth because both Naomi and Ruth were single. I know he meant well, but Naomi and Ruth were widows, and that is very different than being single. In fact, it is hard to find an example in the Bible of a woman who is in the position that I find myself in everyday. The woman at the well in John 4 was single, but she had been married and divorced many times. We don't know about the personal life of the woman with the issue of blood. Mary and Martha seem to be single, but we don't have much insight into their lives and how that particular struggle affected them. Esther was married to the king (not by choice, but still, she was married). Ruth was a widow and has a beautiful love story with Boaz. Jacob loved Rachel enough to work for her for 14 years before he got to marry her.

The two women that I seem to be able to identify with the most are Leah and Hannah. Leah was married, but to a man who didn't love her (in fact, the Bible says that he hated her). No matter how good of a wife she was to Jacob and no matter how many children she gave him, he never loved her. She waited for him to care about her, and he never did. She was never loved.

Hannah was married to a loving man, but was waiting on a child. To make things worse, she had her husband's other wife, who got pregnant easily, picking on her about it all the time. (Kind of like those people who constantly ask why you're not married. It is really, really hard to love those people and impossible to like them.)

Anna (the prophetess at the Temple in the story of Jesus's birth in John) was also waiting. She was waiting on her Savior.

We single ladies need to take notes from Anna. She was waiting on something that WAS promised to her. She was waiting for something that would absolutely happen and would change not only her life, but the entire world. Anna was waiting on a Prince that she knew was coming. Today, we don't have to wait for that Prince anymore. He is already here, and he invites us to be in a relationship with him every day.

Now, I'm not saying that it is easy to just give up on the dream of having a husband. I still haven't given up completely. I am reminded every single day (by my naked ring finger, among other things) just how single I really am. I am lonely. I want to be in a relationship. I want a husband. I want to have kids. And even though I finally decided that I couldn't bank on being a stay-at-home mom and went back to school to get my degree, I will more than happily trade in my future career to stay at home and take care of my husband and kids in an instant if that opportunity ever arises. I still dream about that and I still want it, but I can't put my life on hold for it.

It is easy to get mad at God and blame Him for never sending that guy that you always heard was promised for you. But think about it. Did God ever really promise you a husband? Or was that just people talking? Really think about it. Have you ever read in the Bible where God said, "And I will make a perfect person for each person who believes in me and all of you will get married and have wonderful lives full of romance and happy times"? I don't think so. If you have, I want to see what translation of the Bible you're reading, because it just isn't in there.

I have no right to be mad at God for not giving me something that I want. That's like opening all your presents on Christmas morning and throwing a hissy fit because your mom didn't buy you the exact brand of jeans you wanted. It is childish and it is completely ungrateful. God doesn't have to give us anything, but He blesses all of us with more than we deserve every day.

I know that I will probably always hope for a husband. But I am not going to wait for him anymore. I need to stop waiting for a man to complete my life. I need to stop waiting to live. I am almost 27 years old, and when I really think about it, I haven't accomplished much of anything in my time on earth because I have spent most of my years waiting for something. I have always wanted to wait for perfect conditions or perfect circumstances before starting something. But I am not going to get a second chance at life, and I don't want to miss out on life just because God didn't send me a husband. If I do, it won't be His fault. It will be mine.