Here's to 2014

I really don't do well with New Year's Resolutions. I typically sit down and make a list of things that I would like to accomplish in a new year, but I almost never stick to anything long enough to actually see those resolutions through.

This year, instead of resolutions, I am going to plan some experiences - things that I want to do and places that I want to go this year. I listed twelve experiences, one for each month of 2014. And unlike my normal resolutions, these aren't things that I have to focus on for an entire year (which is good for me because I can't focus on anything for very long).

January - Complete the AdvoCare 24 Day Challenge
February - WinterJam with my little brother to see Lecrae
March - Dance Alabama! Spring Dance Concert
April - Braves vs Nationals game in Atlanta
May - Memphis in May with my Papaw Hoot
July - Mary Poppins at the Alabama Shakespeare Festival in Montgomery
October - Canton Flea Market with Mama
November - Alabama Football Game
December - Graduate from college!

Other events (which don't have specific dates yet)

The Color Run in Tuscaloosa
Participate in part of the Southern Literary Trail
Beach trip

Here's to a year full of great experiences and lots of fun times and great memories with family and friends.

Things All Sales Associates Wish Customers Knew

Working in retail is...interesting, to say the least. Any job where you work for the public provides certain challenges, and working in a retail department store during the Christmas season is definitely an experience. I think it is good for people to have a job like that, to learn how to multitask and to learn what it means to provide good customer service. It is important for people to know what it is like to work on the other side of the cash register.

Here are some things that I wish customers knew:

1.  I am here to serve you. That means that I am there to help you find the items that you are looking for and, if we cannot find them in the store, to help you order the color or size that you need. I am there to help you print out a bridal registry, to give you directions to another department or the bathrooms if necessary, to offer you coupons and show you the best deals each day, and to climb the ladder to get items off the top shelf for you. This does NOT mean that you are allowed to treat me like crap or that I am supposed to ignore every other customer in the store and solely wait on you for the entire time that you are shopping.

2.  I do not personally own everything that we sell in the store, therefore I cannot give you a personal testimony about every single item.

3.  It is not my fault that the coupon from the paper doesn't work on your item. Please do not get rude with me just because you didn't read the fine print.

4.  I am just a lowly sales associate and have no authority to lower prices for you just because you ask me to. A dent on the corner of a box does not make an item damaged and will not get you 50% off (especially if I see YOU dent the box on your way to the register). Also, if you DO buy damaged merchandise at a discounted price, you CANNOT return it.

5.  I do not have the price of every item in the store memorized.

6.  It is my job to straighten up the store throughout the day and especially at the end of the sales day. However, the store floor is not a garbage can. Please be a decent person and throw you gum wrappers, leftover coffee cups, fast food bags, and candy wrappers away instead of just dropping them wherever. Also, if you decide that you don't want an item, but can't remember where you got it, at least leave it at a register and tell the associate that you changed your mind. Trust me, I will find the cowboy boots that you decided not to buy and shoved four rows back behind the pillows, and I will curse you under my breath when I do, whoever you are.

7.  Just because you saw an item online does not guarantee that we have that item in-stock at the store.

8.  When a Door Buster price says that it ends at 1:00 p.m., that means that you must check out before 1:00 p.m. in order to get that price. If you check out at 2:00, but swear that you picked the item up before 1:00, you are not going to get the Door Buster price. Also, I cannot honor that price the next day just because you still have the sales paper. There are rules, people.

9.  If you have worn it, slept on it, or broken it, then please don't return it. However, if you do have a problem with an item breaking or tearing up (for example, if your coffee pot doesn't work right and it is a manufacturer problem), then feel free to bring it back and exchange it, but please tell the associate what is wrong with it so that we will not put it back on the shelf and sell it to another customer in it's damaged state.

10.  I do not work on commission, but I do have an hourly sales goal that I must meet in order to keep my job. Therefore, if I help you for 10 minutes or longer (if I go to the stockroom to get items for you, help you dig through stacks of dishes to find a specific accent plate, scan every set of silverware that we carry so that you can see which one is the best value) and then you go to another associate to check out, I will secretly hope that you trip in the parking lot and break every single one of those dishes you just bought.

And one more thing... I know it is annoying when sales associates ask for your personal information, but I am required to ask for your telephone number and/or email address. I know that you have both, so don't lie to me. And if I don't get this information, I will get in big trouble. You can mark it as spam and unsubscribe as soon as you leave the store, but please share this information with me. A little junk email never hurt anybody, did it?

No More Waiting

I just read a great blog post here. I have thought plenty about waiting. I have even written a couple posts about it myself (see Called to Wait). Lately, I have really started to wonder what exactly it is that I am waiting for. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a husband and a family of my own. I have always been what others considered "smart" - I always made good grades in school and I am sure that people expected me to have big plans and dreams of a great and successful career, but I never wanted that. All I really wanted was to get married and have kids. Being a stay-at-home mom sounded (and still sounds) like Heaven on earth to me, and that was what I wanted to do.

But there is a problem with that ambition. It depends on a man deciding to ask me to marry him.

Like the article I linked above mentions, I have been taught that I should wait for that man. I don't wear a ring on my left hand because I am waiting for a diamond. I have learned how to be a good wife. I have prayed for that man and hoped for him to come into my life for years. People keep telling me that God will send the right guy at the right time, which is really easy for a girl who got married at 18 to say. I am not doubting that God can give me a husband, but I have to be realistic. I have no reason to expect that He will. A spouse is not something that God promised to everyone, and if you look at the numbers, there is no way that every girl in the world has a guy out there who is made just for her. (There are almost twice as many women in the world than men, and then there are guys who are gay or who just don't want to settle down, so there are going to be some forever single ladies out there. That is just a fact.) So, in reality, I have spent the first 26 years of my life waiting for something that might never happen. And that is a pretty miserable way to live.

I used to believe that girls were called to wait (I must have, I wrote about it), but now I'm not so sure that God wants us to do that. Of course, we are supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. That is definitely God's plan and design, but we aren't supposed to be waiting to LIVE. I say we because I am totally guilty of this. I keep putting things off, thinking, "I want to do that with my husband someday," or "If only I was married, I could do this," or "If I had a boyfriend, I would..." I am limiting myself because I am single, and that is not what God wanted from His children.

Think of all the things that I could do for God if I stopped waiting and started living! I don't have to have a husband to work for God. I don't need a husband to be involved in ministry. I don't need a husband to teach children about God. I don't need a husband to help the less fortunate or to make a difference. I don't need a husband.

Wow. Let that thought sink in for a second.

I don't need a husband.

I have always thought that I needed one. I have always thought that, for me to be happy and live the life that God designed for me, I needed a man by my side. But I don't.

It has always been hard to me to figure out what exactly a single woman is supposed to do. God created women to be the help meet for men, to love and support their husbands. So what is a woman without a husband supposed to do? I asked my pastor this one time and he told me to read the book of Ruth because both Naomi and Ruth were single. I know he meant well, but Naomi and Ruth were widows, and that is very different than being single. In fact, it is hard to find an example in the Bible of a woman who is in the position that I find myself in everyday. The woman at the well in John 4 was single, but she had been married and divorced many times. We don't know about the personal life of the woman with the issue of blood. Mary and Martha seem to be single, but we don't have much insight into their lives and how that particular struggle affected them. Esther was married to the king (not by choice, but still, she was married). Ruth was a widow and has a beautiful love story with Boaz. Jacob loved Rachel enough to work for her for 14 years before he got to marry her.

The two women that I seem to be able to identify with the most are Leah and Hannah. Leah was married, but to a man who didn't love her (in fact, the Bible says that he hated her). No matter how good of a wife she was to Jacob and no matter how many children she gave him, he never loved her. She waited for him to care about her, and he never did. She was never loved.

Hannah was married to a loving man, but was waiting on a child. To make things worse, she had her husband's other wife, who got pregnant easily, picking on her about it all the time. (Kind of like those people who constantly ask why you're not married. It is really, really hard to love those people and impossible to like them.)

Anna (the prophetess at the Temple in the story of Jesus's birth in John) was also waiting. She was waiting on her Savior.

We single ladies need to take notes from Anna. She was waiting on something that WAS promised to her. She was waiting for something that would absolutely happen and would change not only her life, but the entire world. Anna was waiting on a Prince that she knew was coming. Today, we don't have to wait for that Prince anymore. He is already here, and he invites us to be in a relationship with him every day.

Now, I'm not saying that it is easy to just give up on the dream of having a husband. I still haven't given up completely. I am reminded every single day (by my naked ring finger, among other things) just how single I really am. I am lonely. I want to be in a relationship. I want a husband. I want to have kids. And even though I finally decided that I couldn't bank on being a stay-at-home mom and went back to school to get my degree, I will more than happily trade in my future career to stay at home and take care of my husband and kids in an instant if that opportunity ever arises. I still dream about that and I still want it, but I can't put my life on hold for it.

It is easy to get mad at God and blame Him for never sending that guy that you always heard was promised for you. But think about it. Did God ever really promise you a husband? Or was that just people talking? Really think about it. Have you ever read in the Bible where God said, "And I will make a perfect person for each person who believes in me and all of you will get married and have wonderful lives full of romance and happy times"? I don't think so. If you have, I want to see what translation of the Bible you're reading, because it just isn't in there.

I have no right to be mad at God for not giving me something that I want. That's like opening all your presents on Christmas morning and throwing a hissy fit because your mom didn't buy you the exact brand of jeans you wanted. It is childish and it is completely ungrateful. God doesn't have to give us anything, but He blesses all of us with more than we deserve every day.

I know that I will probably always hope for a husband. But I am not going to wait for him anymore. I need to stop waiting for a man to complete my life. I need to stop waiting to live. I am almost 27 years old, and when I really think about it, I haven't accomplished much of anything in my time on earth because I have spent most of my years waiting for something. I have always wanted to wait for perfect conditions or perfect circumstances before starting something. But I am not going to get a second chance at life, and I don't want to miss out on life just because God didn't send me a husband. If I do, it won't be His fault. It will be mine.

Thanksgiving

I am not typically one to be warm and fuzzy and share sappy sentiments. In fact, I know that I can be hypercritical about most things. But I do love the season of Thanksgiving. So, without getting too sappy, here's a list of the things I am most thankful for...

1. My parents, for everything
2. My little brother, for making me laugh on a daily basis
3. My grandparents
4. My extended family
5. My church family from Springfield, Fayette, Sulphur Springs, and Mt. Harmony
6. The opportunity I had to be involved with children's ministry at Sulphur Springs
7. MUW and my great professors
8. My mentor teachers at New Hope
9. My retail job (even on days like Black Friday)
10. My Aunt Wanda, for being the best roommate ever
11. The ability to cook (especially Thanksgiving specialties like turkey and dressing)
12. My (ever growing) book collection
13. Baseball, a.k.a. The Greatest Sport Ever
14. Alabama Football (Roll Tide!)
15. America and all the soldiers who have sacrificed their time and lives so that I can enjoy my freedom
16. Country music (especially the old stuff)
17. Being Southern
18. Big, comfy sweatshirts
19. Family recipes that have been handed down for generations
20. Family traditions

The Hissy Fit

I have thrown many school-stress-induced hissy fits this semester. They look a little like this...

According to Urban Dictionary, a hissy fit is defined as "a sudden outburst of temper, often used to describe female anger at something trivial."

While hissy fits are not exactly lady-like, sometimes they are just necessary. They are also uniquely Southern. I am sure that women from every region have meltdowns at some point (because, honestly, no woman can be expected to get through life without falling apart every now and then), but the term "hissy fit" only applies to those ladies who are lucky enough to be from somewhere south of the Mason-Dixon line.

As a Southern woman, I can totally vouch for the benefits of throwing the occasional hissy fit. They aren't pretty, and I truly feel sorry for any witnesses or (heaven forbid) victims of irrational Southern female anger, but sometimes a girl just needs to let off some steam. And when you go to Subway during your already way too short lunch break and stand in line for twenty minutes only to find out that they are out of wheat bread and turkey (WHAT KIND OF SANDWICH SHOP RUNS OUT OF TURKEY???) sometimes you just can't help but to snap.

Not that being stressed makes it okay to rant and rave like a crazy person. It is never okay to take your anger out on others. Before you start thinking that I screamed at the Subway worker, you should know that my mama did raise me to be more of a lady than that and that I let out an annoyed sigh, marched out of the store, and reserved my hissy fit for when I was totally alone in my car. I am totally aware that having a hissy fit did nothing to fix the situation. Subway didn't instantly get more turkey and make me a sandwich after that. But having that hissy fit led to something else. After I did it, after I screamed and punched the steering wheel and kicked the tires on the car, I did something else. I laughed. And what is it they say about laughter? It's the best medicine, right? Right. Especially for stress.

We Southern ladies know that our hissy fits are not rational. We know that they are slightly ridiculous. And we usually laugh at ourselves after we throw them. But they are so engrained into our personalities (probably because we saw our mothers and grandmothers throw them from time to time) that we really can't help it.

So cut us Southern ladies some slack about our hissy fits, okay, y'all?

And, if anyone from Subway is reading this, don't EVER run out of turkey, okay?

Nutty November

This month is going to be nuts! On top of having a 20 page research paper, my creative writing portfolio, and a major instructional unit due for school, I am trying to get a part-time job and I have to get 20 observation hours done so that I can begin my student teaching in the spring. I'm also going to be helping my parents finish remodeling their house and I am supposed to help my grandmother paint her bathroom. Add apartment hunting to that, and my plate is going to be pretty full.

I am determined to end this November in better shape than I am starting it, so I am going to be doing this 30 day Ab and Squat Challenge on top of my normal workout routine. (I really need a workout buddy for this so that I can't slack off just because I get busy.)

I may not get a chance to post much this month, but here are some of the things I am really looking forward to in the crazy, jam-packed month:

The Good Doctor presented by MUW Theatre Department - November 7-9

Alabama vs. LSU - November 9

Thanksgiving - November 28

The Iron Bowl - November 30

The Pumpkin Patch

Country Pumpkins in Caledonia, Mississippi

Comfort Food

One of the things I love about fall is that my family and I start cooking comfort foods. As soon as the first cold snap (which, in Alabama, really isn't that cold - but you would think it was ten below from seeing the girls walking around everywhere in over sized sweatshirts and Ugg boots), my mother starts cooking soups and stews and all kinds of cold-weather dishes.  Here are a few of my favorite fall comfort foods:

Hamburger Hash for Two

This is one of my favorite quick dinners.

2 large potatoes, peeled and chopped

1 pound ground beef

1/2 small onion, chopped

Garlic Salt

Seasoned Salt

Spray a saute pan with cooking spray. Put ground beef, onions and potatoes in pan and heat on high. Stir in garlic salt and seasoned salt to taste.  Cook until beef is browned and potatoes start to get crispy. Drain off grease before serving. We eat this as a meal by itself, or sometimes we will cook cornbread and tomato soup to go with it.

 

Buttermilk Cornbread

When I was a freshman in college, one of the guys in my Freshman Composition class was talking one day about how much he missed home and his mother's home cooking. He said that he'd been craving some good cornbread all semester. I should have cooked some for him (maybe I would have snagged him up - he was pretty cute), but instead, I told him that I could tell him how to make cornbread because it was easy. He seemed skeptical, but I wrote down the recipe for him and told him how to pick out a black skillet, and he decided that he would try it. He came back to class the next week and told me that I was a genius. He said that he'd made cornbread better than his mama's (I hope he never told his mama that). Cornbread is one of the easiest things to make. I have friends who are so intimidated by cooking, especially cornbread, because they think it is hard. Trust me, it isn't. Anyone can make good cornbread. The guy from my Freshman Comp class is my proof (He had never cooked anything in his life, ever. I remember telling the same guy how to do his laundry and how to get grease stains out of his jeans. Which really makes me wonder why he never did snag me up...maybe I reminded him too much of his mother? I guess I'll never know...).

2 cups of cornmeal (yellow or white - I like yellow, but either will work)

1 1/2 cups buttermilk

1 egg

Pinch of salt

1/2 stick butter

 

Spray a black skillet with cooking spray and place 1/2 stick of butter in the bottom of the pan. Place pan in an oven heated to 400 degrees to melt the butter. While the pan is heating, whisk together the cornmeal, milk, egg and salt. If the mixture is too thick, you can add a little extra milk. Once all the butter is melted, pour cornmeal mixture into the hot pan and bake on the top rack of the oven at 400 degrees until golden brown.  Allow to cool in the pan for a few minutes, then turn out onto a plate.

Note:  If you don't want to buy a whole carton of buttermilk, you can use regular milk - just add 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise to the mixture as well and you'll never know the difference.

They call this senioritis...

I should not even be online right now.  I have a paper due at 3:00 this afternoon and another due on Monday that I need to get finished before this weekend starts, but I am just not in the mood to be writing academic papers.  I think I have officially hit the wall.  I have gotten to that point where college is just a chore.  It is no longer something I enjoy.  It is my senior year and things are getting serious and this is now just a means to an end.  This is my attitude about writing this paper right now:

So, instead of doing my work, I am going to take a little break to daydream about the future...

I am so ready to graduate.

If you know me, then you know that I have waffled a lot when trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up, but the closer I get to graduation, the more sure I am that I made the right decision choosing Secondary English Education as my major.  I hate all the paperwork that accompanies being a teacher (it is totally ridiculous), but I absolutely love being in front of a classroom and teaching.  It is a good place for me - I love the students and the subject that I will be teaching, and it is a job where I can have financial security and stability and still have tons of time off in the summers and on holidays to write and travel and do the things I want to do.

Deciding to be a teacher was not easy for me.  I have a lot a friends who are teachers, and, although I love them, I have to be honest here...teachers get on my nerves.  I can't tell you how many times I have heard teachers gripe about their jobs and complain about their pay and go on and on about how unappreciated they are.  That bugs me.  As a future educator, I am going into this understanding that it is a career that I chose.  I decided that it is what I wanted to do.  I believe that teaching is a gift and a calling, but it is not forced upon anyone.  It is something that a person willingly decides to pursue as a career.  So I don't understand all the complaining.

I am not going into teaching to become wealthy.  I am doing it because it is a good, reliable career that will supply me with enough money to live comfortably while allowing me to do something that I enjoy.  I don't expect to become rich, and I don't expect to be treated like a hero for teaching a child how to read.  Yes, I hope that I will have a positive influence on my students, but I know that teenagers rarely tell you that you made a difference in their lives (mostly because it is not until later in life that they realize that the lessons you taught them were actually important).  I don't need to be praised just for doing my job.

One of the things that I am most excited about when it comes to teaching is interacting with my future students.  I love to see the look on a child's face when he or she really gets the point of a lesson.  You can literally see the light bulb come on when you look into their faces and you just know that they are getting it.  That is a great feeling.

I also want to show my students that learning can be fun.  I am an English nerd, so I love to read and I even love a good lecture, but I know that most students do not like either of those things.  With the help of one of my art professors, I have been creating active, art-integrated lesson plans to really help my students connect with the material that I will be teaching.  I am so excited to actually get into a classroom and put all these plans into action.  If you have ever seen the movie Freedom Writers with Hillary Swank, then you have seen the kind of teacher I want to be.  It won't be easy to teach like that, but it will be so worth it.

I am also ready to graduate because it means that I can do a little traveling and a lot more writing.  I love to write, but academic papers are not my thing.  Creative writing is so much more fun, and it is hard to do that when you have so many other things on your plate and so many other due dates and deadlines to juggle.  Hopefully, this summer will be my chance to get some major writing done (I am working on a novel, after all, and I need some time to dedicate to that.  Gotta cross that one off the Bucket List!).

I have a huge list of things that I want to do, but here are the top ten things I am most looking forward to after graduation:

1.  Going to the Memphis in May BBQ Competition with my Papaw
2.  Reading a book of my choosing by the pool, just for FUN
3.  Finishing my short story collection
4.  Going to Atlanta to see the Braves play
5.  Going to the beach
6.  Finally running that 5K that I am always talking about
7.  Finding a teaching job!!!  (I should probably have this in the #1 spot, actually...)
8.  Paying off my debts.  I didn't have to get many student loans, but the ones I did get are not going to be around long, if I can help it.  Trying to live as debt free as possible.
9.  Landing a freelance writing gig with a newspaper or magazine.
10.  Sleeping late.  I can not wait to sleep late.

What A Girl Wants

When it comes to relationships, I hate to feel like I'm super high maintenance or needy.  I am a giver, and it can be hard for me to accept things (help, presents, compliments) from others.  I try to act like I don't care about the sweet little romantic things that my friends' boyfriends do for them.  I act like romance drives me crazy, like I think it is totally unnecessary and slightly sickening.  Most of the time, my faux disgust is just a coping mechanism to cover the fact that I am turning into a bitter, jealous old woman (seriously, I am concerned about myself.  I am SO on the road to being a cat lady.)

So, Dear Future Boyfriend (if you even exist), no matter what I say or how indifferent I act about the mushy stuff, know the following things are really the truth:

1.  I want you to tell me that I'm pretty, especially when I'm just wearing jeans and a t-shirt and my hair is in a messy ponytail (so, basically, every day).

2.  I like it when you call me princess, sweetheart, and baby.

3.  Pandora beads for my bracelet are always, ALWAYS a good gift idea.

4.  I actually do expect you to remember things like my favorite soft drink, candy, movie, baseball team and author.  I know all those things about you, and we've talked about them, so you should know them about me.

5.  Send me sweet good morning and good night texts.

6.  Pay for dinner.  Hold the door open for me.  Pull out my chair at the restaurant.

7.  I like buying you things, and I love that you appreciate things when I get them for you (so say thank you!).  But never tell me that you can't accept a gift because it is too much or because I shouldn't have bought it.  I bought it because I wanted to, and you not accepting it is insulting.

8.  I will give you your guys' nights to go to the game and play poker or whatever, so I need you to give me my space for girls' nights every once in a while, too.

9.  Picnics in the park or at the lake are my absolute favorite.

10.  I love when you hold my hand in public and let me wear your coat or hoodie.  It tells everyone who sees us that I belong to you, and I love that.

Also...
If/when you get ready to pop the question, I want it to be a special moment just between the two of us.  No hidden photographers, no surprise parties, no asking on the jumbo tron at a ballgame (although those things are cool, I think a moment like deciding that you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone should be private). Got it?  Good.

Last thing...do you think you could hurry up a little?  Or maybe ask someone for directions?

Published

I had one of my short stories published in the local newspaper, The Lamar Democrat, this week!  I am pretty excited to see my writing in print. 

It looks pretty good, doesn't it?

Girls' Day Out - Canton Flea Market (Bucket List #74)

On Thursday, my mother, my cousin Michelle, and I went to Canton, Mississippi, for their annual fall flea market.  If you have never been, you should go.  I've been one other time, and I hope to get to go back next October.   Going to Canton is #74 on my Ultimate Bucket List.

Canton is a really neat little town in central Mississippi.  They have a really neat downtown area.  It is actually where the movie A Time to Kill (based on my favorite John Grisham book) was filmed, so there are some pretty cool little tourist spots to check out on a normal day.  Here is a shot of the courthouse (Matthew McConaughey and Sandra Bullock have stood on these courthouse steps!)...

On flea market day, the entire town works together to host one of the biggest flea markets I have ever seen.  They even let school out on that day.  The entire town caters to the thousands of people (mostly women) who come out to see what all the different vendors have to offer each year.

It starts at 8:00 a.m. and lasts all day.  Make sure to wear comfortable shoes, because you are going to be doing a lot of walking.  The vendors set up all around the courthouse square and move out a few blocks in each direction from there.  They have crafts, food items, furniture, antiques, home decor items, clothes, jewelry...pretty much everything you can imagine.  There are also food trucks and food vendors set up (you have to try the food at Penn's - they are famous for their chicken on a stick, which is a skewer of chicken pieces, dill pickles, onions and potatoes that is deep fried and definitely worth the calories).

Here are a few of the treasures that we found on this trip...

I love the grey chevron on this elephant.  And, of course, I LOVE that it says Roll Tide!

My mother got this wood sign for the front door of her new house.  When she finishes remodeling it, she's planning to paint the front door this color blue, so it will look great on the grey brick next to the bright blue door. 

I love old things, and I was super excited to find this antique tool box for just $10!  I snatched it up fast.  I have no idea what to use it for, but I'm sure that I'll think of something.

We actually found this old toy bank at an antique store on the square at Canton and got it for my dad.  It hold nickels, dimes, and quarters and counts them as you deposit them.  It won't open until you have saved $10 worth of change, which I thought was pretty cool.

Please Wipe Your Feet: Confessions of a Doormat

I have a problem.  I am a doormat.

 It’s not that I don’t have a mind of my own.  Believe me, I am fully capable of thinking for myself and making decisions.  I usually make good decisions, although I have my share of lapses of judgment where there is no explanation for the stupidity of my own actions.  But I guess that’s the only way you learn, right?

My problem is not that I let others tell me what to think.  My problem is that I an almost incapable of saying no in social circumstances.

This is a real, legitimate problem.  It effects my relationships with people.  I never ask them to do things for me, but they always are asking me because I am dependable and I almost NEVER turn them down.  People call me all the time asking for my time and my money, and most of the time, I give it to them.  It has caused me to be irritated, frustrated, and broke.  Sometimes, I really wish I could just say no!  And I wish that I didn’t feel guilty for doing so.

I have always been taught that, because I am a Christian, I should put others first.  I should sacrifice myself and the things that are going on in my life to help and serve others when I can.  I really do believe that helping others is important.  It is a principle that Jesus taught us about by example.  He cared for others.  He was never too busy to stop and help someone in need.  

But at the same time, Jesus doesn't want Christians to be doormats.  He never let people take advantage of Him, and He doesn't want us to do that either.

You want proof?  Check out the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42: 

Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.  And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.  But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.  And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:  But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Martha was a lot like me.  She wanted to help people.  And she was doing her best to do that.  She enjoyed doing that.  (I know it doesn't say that in the text, but from other stories about Martha in the Bible, I am pretty sure she was the original Martha Stewart.  She loved to throw a party.  And she was good at it.)  But Martha had a problem.  She didn't know when to stop.

I can absolutely identify with Martha.  I know how it feels to be the busy one.  I know how it feels to see a friend enjoying a moment and to feel jealous because I can't just sit down and enjoy myself.  And for people like Martha and myself, it is easy to put the blame on that friend (Mary).  We see her, just sitting there, and we think that she should be up doing something.  She should be helping.  After all, there is plenty to do, right?

But instead of scolding Mary, Jesus scolded Martha.  He doesn't want us to get so busy helping other people that we don't take time to appreciate the blessings He is trying to give to us.  If we always neglect ourselves, we can't really do any good when we try to help others because after a little while, our attitudes and good moods will wear thin.  We will get overworked and cranky.  And then we turn into bitter women who bark orders at other people and seem uptight and mean (NOT the image we need to portray as Christian women).

It is really all about finding a balance in our daily lives.  We need to help people, but we can't allow people to take advantage of us.  We need to sacrifice our wants sometimes, but we also have to take time to take care of ourselves (Jesus taught us this when He took the time to go pray by Himself - even HE needed alone time with God!).  Each of us needs to be part Mary and part Martha (which is hard).

We don't need to be doormats, but we do need to own a welcome mat, if that makes any sense.

We need to be willing to help others, but we can't let them walk all over us.  That's a hard balance to find.  So, how does one do that?  I still have no idea.  But I am trying to figure it out.

Step one?  Learning to say no.  We'll see how that goes...